you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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