I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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