I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
