well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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