I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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