i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
