he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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