My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
