you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
