I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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