Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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