She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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