he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
