she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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