11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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