you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
