Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
