So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
