Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
