The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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