I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
