I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize