cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
