woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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