I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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