Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
