why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
