I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
