C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
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Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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