Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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