A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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