Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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