There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I need to align my fucking chakras
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
