I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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