FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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