Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
