our cab driver is having phone sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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