thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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