Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
