did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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