I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
