I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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