I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
