call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
