Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
