Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Dicks are not precious.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
