Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
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The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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