he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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