i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
