sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
