His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
