I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
