i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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