you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When are your genitals available?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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