They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
