If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
