so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
