im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
