my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
there's paper in my vomit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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