it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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