I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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