Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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