In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
