so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
