Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
