some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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