I faked an abortion last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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